Peanut Butter & Blood [new one-shot]
Dec. 1st, 2007 11:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Rating: G
Characters: House, Wilson
Genre: Friendship, Unadulterated Fluff
Summary: House injures himself. So naturally, this requires a call to Wilson, who--naturally--rushes right over.
A/N: For
![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
x-posted
PEANUT BUTTER & BLOOD
“Tell me again,” he says slowly to House, “Exactly how you managed to do…” His hand waves in the general direction of House’s knee, “this.”
House sighs with mock patience. “I’ve told you twice. Lucky for you I believe in thorough patient histories. So let’s try it again. Slower this time. And—just for you—I’ll leave out some of the harder words.”
House has the left leg propped on the coffee table;
“Well, it’s simple, really. And dull. Uh... the story's dull; the glass wasn't. I dropped a jar of peanut butter. It broke. And you weren’t here," House continues accusingly, "So I had to clean it up all by myself. Glass, like I said. Dangerous, and all. Especially to a cripple such as myself.”
It’s
“So I used the edge of the counter, lowered myself down to the floor. I thought. But turns out, I landed on the broken glass. Told you it’s a hazard for us cripples.”
“Yeah, because no able-bodied person ever breaks anything and gets cut during clean-up.”
“So anyway, that’s pretty much it. Me falling plus shards of lethal glass equals blood. And pain. Lots of both. Pain and blood. Oh, and peanut butter, of course.”
“Wait a minute. Back up. You fell?”
“I think I just said that.”
“No… what you’d previously said was you knelt on the floor. So let’s run the scene in slow motion, shall we?”
House heaves a forbearing sigh. “Simple. I lost my balance, grabbed for the counter, and came down on my knee, on top of sharp foreign objects.”
“You lost your balance… because?”
“I didn’t have my cane.”
And you didn’t have your cane, because?”
“Thought I’d be okay without it.”
This was like questioning a four-year-old about mommy’s broken lamp. “And you obviously thought you’d be okay because you generated new thigh muscle overnight. I’m so happy for you.”
House gives a snort of irritation. “Of course not. I was feeling… good.”
“Good enough to run the Boston Marathon—and win,” House says snidely.
“House….”
Sighing, House says, “Might've had… an… extra Vicodin. Or two. So things were looking up. Until I went down. On the floor. Into danger.”
“’Extra’,”
Bingo; House goes silent.
“House, you’re a fool. A reckless idiot who actually expected me to be sympathetic. Astounding.”
Defensively, House says, “I was stressed; been a tough week. Not like I’m allowed to have an extra drink or something to relax; could be harmful, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah—can we just forget all that? I’m bleeding to death here. I called you because I need help, not harassment!”
“Yup.”
“You flushed it? Cleaned it? Any glass remaining?”
House reluctantly acknowledges yes, yes, and no.
“And you used an antiseptic?”
House huffs. “Well, yeah. World’s just crawling with superbugs, you know!”
House leans back and says smugly, “Any area lucky enough to have me in it qualifies as the world. Welcome to my world!” He widens his arms expansively.
“Probably won’t be a second,” House observes with mock sympathy—and a smug expression.
“I believe you’ve got everything under control here, Dr. House. So I’ll be leaving now.”
“But Jimmy! I’ve got beer, and porn, and an injury. And if you’d been here, we’d have beer and porn—and I wouldn’t be injured. Don’t you think you at least owe me—”
“Oooh, no. Stop right there. No way are you putting any of this off on me. Not this time. And it’s my considered, professional opinion that the patient will live, thanks solely to your amazing skills with a first-aid kit. I’m going to get back to my date, try to explain. Don’t normally have to explain the whole you thing this soon in a relationship, but then you don’t usually try to bust it up this early, either. So wish me luck.” He studies House’s pouting face. “Or not.”
“Hurts,” House sulks.
And just before the door closes behind him, he catches a glimpse of House’s grin—House’s surprised, amused, approving grin.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 05:12 pm (UTC)Love that line!
Great story.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 05:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 05:22 pm (UTC)Quick question though ... does anyone make peanut butter in glass jars anymore? I've only seen plastic. Maybe a jelly jar? (Everybody knows peanut butter sandwiches should come with jelly.)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 05:40 pm (UTC)Interesting story, kidsnurse. I was expecting Wilson to stay, since that's what usually happens in this kind of story...but you may be right that House would approve of Wilson showing some spine and leaving. I think it would depend on his mood. If he was in "attempt to quantify the friendship through experimentation" mode, it would be a useful data point. If he was in "I'm bored, entertain me," mode, he might be annoyed.
The everday kitchen accident/responsible adult line tickled me, for some reason.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 05:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:26 pm (UTC)Dr. Fantabulous
Date: 2007-12-01 05:59 pm (UTC)Re: Dr. Fantabulous
Date: 2007-12-02 09:31 am (UTC)Re: Dr. Fantabulous
From:Re: Dr. Fantabulous
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 06:33 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing, I love your one-shots!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 06:47 pm (UTC)lovely.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 06:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:37 pm (UTC)Wonderful
Date: 2007-12-01 06:56 pm (UTC)Re: Wonderful
Date: 2007-12-02 03:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 07:07 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing this cute and insightful little scene. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 08:55 pm (UTC)I like it. There's just enough of an edge to it, with House's possibly recreational drug dosage and his probably-intentional messing up Wilson's date; the shadows are still there but they're not overwhelming, and I do adore Wilson when he shows his spine.
My favorite thing, I think, is Wilson's adept medical questioning, confirming that House has already done everything that could be done for the wound and doesn't actually need a thing. I love that.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:40 pm (UTC)and yeah--wilson's a lot more clever, generally, than i often give him credit for! ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 11:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-01 11:55 pm (UTC)"Don’t normally have to explain the whole you thing this soon in a relationship"
That was my favorite line. Thanks so much for sharing this!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 12:19 am (UTC)LOL
cute...
Julia
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 12:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 02:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 09:29 am (UTC)That was my favorite line too!
Any woman brave enough to date Wilson long-term has to know, and maybe it's like ripping off a band-aid, don't think about it for too long, just do it quick.
I was *almost* sure Wilson would stay. I'm glad he didn't.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:48 pm (UTC)well... i'd sorta offered to write
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:28 pm (UTC)great..thanks a lot for your stories!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 03:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-02 07:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 06:51 pm (UTC)if it's a homemade cupcake, may i trade in those gold starts on another? because i found out, recently, that my deprived child's idea of 'homemade' is putting pillsbury's slice-n-bake into the oven. he literally thinks that's the definition of homemade baked goods. domestic, i ain't! ;)
and it killed me to allow wilson to walk out the door; only did it because i'd promised
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 03:43 am (UTC)That is such a House thing to say and do.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 06:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 06:58 am (UTC)Also, because I'm curious, I assume kidsnurse means you work peds...any specialty? <--is pediatric nurse, too, specialty in psych but currently working home care.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 12:14 pm (UTC)prior to my retirement, i was nights charge on a fourteen bed peds unit for eleven years, and then did peds home health for another six. i've got cerebral palsy, and a ton of interesting sequelae [osteoarthritis, muscle atrophy, etc.], so five years ago, i retired on disability. now, it seems, my self-appointed 'job' is trying to get the word out about the differences between addiction and dependence--especially as it relates to middle-aged sufferers of chronic pain. and house fanfic certainly makes the perfect platform for that! i wrote the devil trilogy (http://kidsnurse.livejournal.com/1816.html) specifically to demonstrate house's dependence, and enjoyed it so much that i just kept writing.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 08:45 pm (UTC)Just sit there and revel in the joy of being alive after such a close brush with mortality
Hehe hahehe hoho *snort* hehehehehehehehe
And the first-born arrived. He was a bit squished but perked right up when I let him at the telly
(no subject)
Date: 2007-12-03 09:05 pm (UTC)glad kid arrived safely. sorry i forgot the 30mg adderall-xr; you should be noticing that wee omission right about... now. *grins evilly and suggests you check the ceiling for missing kid*
(no subject)
From: