kidsnurse: (SadHW)
[personal profile] kidsnurse
Title:  Past Imperfect, Present Tense
Rating:  PG
Genre:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Characters:  House, Wilson

This story is lovingly dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] blackmare_9 , who patiently--and literally--pulled every single word out of me.

 
Cuddy's phone call had been quiet, unemotional.  Neutral, even.  No attempts at guilt, not even a plea to come "for old times' sake."  She'd simply given him the facts.  And then, almost inaudibly, "I'm worried about him."  She'd clicked off even as her last word hung in the air between them.
 
Of course he was going.  He had to, right?  He didn't believe anymore that maybe he and House had never been friends.  Hell, maybe he hadn't believed it when he'd said it.  The first couple of months after that talk in his office, he'd forced himself to believe it, even though every time the phrase scraped across his mind the bleeding would start again.
 
He'd hear himself saying those words:  We're not friends anymore, House.  Maybe we never were.  And the fresh pain would swallow everything else.  Even the grief for Amber was absorbed into his loss of House for a little while, and this phenomenon somehow just magnified both losses.
 
After while, the remembered words lost some of their power.  By the fourth month, House had become a phantom limb--not there anymore, but still causing pain when he least expected it.
 
And now it's been five months.  He tells himself he's adjusting to the amputation, that the blade of those words had cut quick and true.  That he's recovering.  But still.  Sometimes he remembers that amputation means losing a part of yourself, something that belongs.  And then he knows he'd lied. 
 
It was the biggest lie I ever told--but I needed to believe it.  More--I needed House to believe it.  And... oh, God--maybe he did.
 
No; House was smarter than that.  House knew it was anger talking, confusion.  Grief.  House knew that Wilson couldn't mean that.  House knew.  Right?
 
Wilson packs quickly and without thought.  He almost doesn't pack at all; he can buy whatever he needs once he gets home to Princeton, he thinks.  Startled, he replays the thought in his mind:  home to Princeton.  Home.  Princeton.
 
"No," he says aloud, and continues packing.
 
Hours later, standing at House's front door, Wilson considers his options.  Cuddy had told him that House hadn't been to work all week.  On Tuesday, he'd ignored her phone calls.  Wednesday, she'd gone to his apartment.  As she approached the door, she told Wilson, she'd heard the piano--discordant, loud.  Ugly.  She'd banged on the door and the awful sounds had ceased immediately.  Cuddy had knocked and pleaded for twenty minutes; House had silently waited her out.
 
He's not even angry with Cuddy, and she's all he's got left.  If he's freezing her out, no way he's gonna answer my call, much less invite me in for tea.
 
Wilson reaches into his pocket, slowly withdraws a single key, and studies it.  Running his finger over the warm metal, he wonders idly why he'd kept it.  Wasn't like he'd ever planned to use it again.  It's useless anyway, by now.  He's got to have changed the lock.  Hell, probably first thing he did--big, dramatic gesture, securing the castle against Wilson the Betrayer.
 
Wilson rubs the key like a talisman as he realizes that this little piece of metal is all he has--his last tie to House, the only tangible token of the friendship-that-was--and the only chance in hell he has of entering this apartment.  Resigned, he inserts it in the lock.
 
His eyes widen at the ease with which the knob turns under his hand.  But he can't stop right now to consider why this key should still open House's door; he blinks back his surprise and steps inside.
 
The living room is dim--and empty.  Wilson spares the kitchen a quick glance, then rapidly turns toward House's bedroom.  He's stopped by a sound from behind the closed bathroom door; House is in there, retching violently.
 
Okay; so he's... what?  Sick?  Hung over?  OD'd?  He's....  Whatever else he is, he's alive.  Wilson, suddenly trembling, sinks down onto the couch to wait.
 
After a couple of minutes, he hears the toilet flush, then the water running.  He uses the time to try to compose his expression, but he's not sure what it should be.  Annoyed?  Angry?  Hi, I was in the neighborhood?  So when House, leaning heavily on his cane, exits the bathroom, he freezes at the sight of a confused Wilson, fidgeting uncomfortably on his couch.
 
House's voice is cold.  "What the hell are you doing here?"  He doesn't move further into the room, though--doesn't move at all--and Wilson's trained eyes assess him quickly.
 
God, he looks... awful.  Skin's pale, almost marbled, and respiratory rate's double what it should be; dehydration.  But he's been sweating pretty heavily; hair's plastered to his head.  Wilson focuses on House's right hand, fingers convulsively clenching and loosening around the cane handle.  His nailbeds aren't perfusing properly; the dehydration's severe.  I've gotta--
 
House sways suddenly, but rights himself before Wilson can get to him.  "I asked you," he rasps, his voice fading, "to what do i owe the... dubious honor of your presence?"  House is clearly weak, but his eyes are bright and intense, boring a hole right through Wilson.
 
"I....  Cuddy's worried about you.  No one's seen you for a week.  Just... tell me what you're up to, and then I'll leave, if you want me to."  Wilson takes a few steps towards House, intending to guide him to a seat.  He reaches out a tentative hand, his fingers barely brushing House's arm.
 
House reacts instantly, raising his left hand impatiently to brush away Wilson's attempt at help.  But he's so debilitated that the abrupt movement is enough to unbalance him, and in the next second, Wilson's half-carrying, half-dragging him to the couch.
 
House doesn't thank him, just leans his head back and closes his eyes.  "What I'm up to," he muses.  "And you think you have a right to know?  I don't owe you any answers.  I don't owe you anything.  You're... not my friend, remember?"
 
Wilson's immediately alarmed; House's breathing is even shallower, more rapid now.  Wilson won't risk upsetting him further until he can figure out how bad things really are.  So instead of answering him, Wilson stands quietly, begins to look around.  He's spent enough years watching House at work to know that even if House won't talk to him, maybe the apartment will.
 
I don't smell any alcohol; no empty bottles, either.  He doesn't feel feverish, and food poisoning doesn't last this long.  Hell, from what I can see, he hasn't eaten in days, anyway.  Looks like he's just been throwing himself a pity party; must've gone overboard with the Vicodin.  Nothing's changed.
 
Shaking his head and swallowing an involuntary sound of disgust, Wilson turns toward the kitchen.  He'll try to get a glass of water into House before he leaves.  Medically, Wilson knows he needs a lot more than that, but it's not his problem any more.  He'll call Cuddy, of course, give her the unpleasant details--but no way is he gonna stick around.  No way.
 
"No one asked you to," House says.  Wilson starts; he hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud.  House's eyes are still closed; Wilson notes that his breathing's a little slower, a little stronger now.  But he's rubbing at his leg, and if Wilson didn't know better, he'd think those deep furrows around House's eyes were caused by pain.  He knows I'm onto him; it's an act.  Well, I'm not buying it.  Not this time; not ever again.  Wilson reaches into his pocket for the key and tosses it onto the piano.
 
House opens his eyes to track the sound, sees the key glinting dull silver on the glossy black piano.  He stares coldly at Wilson, then inclines his head towards the door.  "I think you know where the exit is.  And make it one-way this time."
 
"I'll leave as soon as I get you some water," Wilson says, and leaves the room before House can argue any further.
 
In the kitchen, a quick look around confirms that House hasn't been eating.  There's a warm bottle of soda on the counter next to a bottle opener, but the bottle's still capped.  His hands were probably shaking too badly, Wilson thinks, and has to push away the sudden mental image of House alone, ill, unable to care for himself in this most basic of ways. 
 
He takes a glass from the cabinet and fills it at the sink.  House's Vicodin bottle is sitting at the counter's edge.  "Might as well try to figure out how much damage he's done; Cuddy's gonna need to know," Wilson says to himself, and reaches for the familiar plastic vial.  He picks it up and frowns in confusion; it's full.  And the date on the label is nine days ago.
 
Wilson closes his eyes, shakes his head back and forth slowly.  Then, cradling the bottle in his palm, he goes to face House.

---
 
When Wilson enters the living room, House opens his eyes and raises his head.  His gaze falls on the bottle Wilson is carrying; he looks quickly away.
 
"You're detoxing," Wilson says quietly, and waits until House finally, grudgingly, gives a single nod.  Wilson returns to the couch then, and sits beside him.
 
"Why, House?  Why now?"  But Wilson's beginning to think he knows.  He's tried everything else.  Apologies.  The phone calls, the emails I ignored.  Paying me back the money he owed.  Getting Cuddy to intervene.  Even a private detective.  This... it's all he has left--the only other friend he's got--and he's willing to give it up.  He's giving it up, on nothing but a chance that it might make a difference.  God.
 
Wilson stares in wonder at House, as if he's never seen him before.  And maybe I haven't, not when it's been important, not when it might've meant something to him.  And now Wilson's remembering those times when he'd allowed himself to go blind.  Tricked himself into believing he was doing what was best for House.  Tricked House into believing that Wilson was somehow better than he was, that Wilson's friendship was conditional.  That House wasn't worthy of Wilson.   He's killing himself to try to reach the bar I set for him, while I pass judgment and let him think it's all his fault. 

"It's not because of you," House responds as if he's read Wilson's mind.  "It's just... I just... I was proving I could."  House ends with a gasp, and begins to retch again.  But there's nothing left to come up, and after a few moments House regains control, says stubbornly, defiantly, "I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it because I can."

Wilson knows what he has to do; they can deal with everything else later.  He stands purposefully and looks down at House.  He puts his hands on his hips and speaks in a business-like tone.  "No you can't, not like this."  He meets House's eyes, holds them with his own.  "Nothing's worth this, House.  And anyone who'd require this of you isn't worth it, either."
 
House frowns at him in angry confusion, but Wilson doesn't have to look very hard to see the quiet spark of hope that's sprung up behind the louder emotions.  Oh, House, I'm so sorry. 
 
"You still have injectables here, right?"  Not waiting for an answer, he turns and heads straight for the last known location of the gray metal lockbox.
 
"Don't," House says strongly, and Wilson, box in hand, stares at him in surprise.
 
"House, you're hours away from needing hospitalization--if you don't need it already.  We've gotta get you out of pain, get some fluids into you.  We've got to treat--"
 
"We don't need to do anything," House interrupts.  "I'll be fine.  Thanks for stopping by, though--always good to see an old... an old... yeah."  House looks away, struggles to catch his breath.
 
Apparently, they're going to have to deal with some of it now.
 
Wilson sets the box on the coffee table.  He considers sitting next to House on the couch, but instinct tells him this isn't the time to encroach into House's personal space, so after a moment he perches uncomfortably on the edge of the table himself, facing House  directly.  "Why?" he asks again, knowing why, hating the anguish in his own voice.  But he owes it to House to listen.
 
House is studying his face closely; Wilson knows he's weighing the odds, wondering if it's safe.  Wilson looks back at him unguarded.  Whatever House has to say, Wilson knows he deserves it.  But there's no way he could've predicted, no way he could have readied himself for what comes next.

House is finished pretending a strength he doesn't have. His voice is almost inaudible; Wilson strains to catch the words.  "The pain... the pills... maybe you were right.  Maybe the pills changed me.  And maybe I can... get off them, try something else, and...."  House pauses and his eyes drift away from Wilson, fix on the ceiling.  "Maybe we could... be okay again."
 
Wilson has to swallow hard before he speaks.  "I was wrong, House.  I was wrong.  God knows, we've spent enough time rehashing all your sins, but I've committed a few of my own.  When Amber died, I... it was easier to tell myself it never would've happened if you... if we weren't friends.  You're a pain in the ass.  You suck all the air out of any room you're in.  You think the world revolves around you.  Yeah... you're reckless.  You're selfish and egotistical, and sometimes you're even dangerous, but you're also--why are you smiling?"
 
"Weirdest 'apology' I ever got," House says faintly.

Wilson smiles back.  "Sorry; force of habit.  What I'm trying to say is, you're who you are, and... that's good enough."
 
"No; I've changed.  Before the leg, I--"
 
"Before the leg, you were still a pain in the ass.  But we've both changed. We've made mistakes, said things we didn't mean, did things that weren't...."  Wilson's voice trails off, but the sound of his regret hangs heavy in the air between them. 
 
House is watching him warily, trying to process what he's saying.  Wilson wishes he could give him all the time he needs, but House's health--or lack thereof--is just as critical an issue.
 
"House, you trusted me once.  And I... I betrayed that trust.  Hell--I abused it, twisted it, I... I used it like a weapon, and... I almost killed you with it."
 
Wilson stops speaking, because what he's seeing now isn't the man who's in front of him.  It's that same man five months ago, strapped unquestioningly into that cold, unyielding chair.  Sitting there, waiting to maybe give his life for me--like he thought I had a right to it, just because I asked.  No fear....  He was so frail, so broken....  I was the only one who could've protected him then--
 
Wilson shakes his head to clear it--no time to wallow in guilt now, but maybe a chance to do things differently.  He pulls the lockbox over to him, but he keeps his eyes on House.
 
"I have no right to ask you to give your trust back to me now; I know that.  But I'm asking anyway.  I'm asking you to forgive the choices I made, to forgive me.  I need you to let me help you."
 
As he's been speaking, Wilson's been opening the box, preparing the medication, watching House watching him, waiting for House's permission to help him.  Now, House's eyes are on the syringe, and Wilson's out of things to say.
 
Finally, some of the tension leaves House's body, his eyes soften, and he nods.  Wilson stands slowly and helps House lift his legs onto the couch, holds him in an almost-hug as he lowers his head gently onto the pillows.  And only when he's certain that House is as comfortable as possible, Wilson kneels by his side, picks up the syringe and reaches for his arm.  Then, as gently as he can, he slips the needle in.  No fear.
 
---
 
Two hours later, House is sleeping peacefully.  He's managed to keep down a few ounces of Gatorade, and Wilson's beginning to relax.  He sits beside him and reaches quietly to House's wrist for a pulse.  As he nods his satisfaction and begins to pull away, House's fingers close around Wilson's wrist.  Surprised, Wilson tries gently to untangle them--but they tighten even more.  Must be having some sort of dream.  He's exhausted; hate to wake him.  Wilson tries again to loosen the fingers without disturbing House, but then House whispers his name.  The tone is anguished, pleading.
 
Wilson frowns.  Something wrong?  "House?"
 
House opens his eyes, doesn't move his hand.  An expression of disbelief crosses his face as he regards his friend, keeping vigil at his side.  House licks his parched lips.  His voice comes out rusty and broken.  "Sticking around?" he asks.
 
Wilson reaches slowly into the pocket of his jeans and holds up the key.  Then, making sure that House is still watching, he tucks it securely back into his pocket. He covers House's hand firmly with his own.  "Go back to sleep," he says softly.  "And by the way, you're still an idiot."
 
House's eyes are already closing.  "Yup," he agrees as he drifts off again, the ghost of a smile on his face.


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(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackmare-9.livejournal.com
Hey there. I don't have time to read through at the moment (and you're too gracious with your thanks; I made suggestions and you went far beyond anything I said) but I do notice that your double-spacing between a lot of these paragraphs is actually triple-spacing. Or at least that's how it shows up on my screen.

Amazing, you got Wilson to hold House's hand without it triggering any of my OOC-detectors. Love, love, love.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
and you're too modest. and yes, i know about the spacing; lj hates me. and if i touch it, it'll get worse. a lot worse. really. i emailed you the details.

and thanks again. also really.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misanthropicobs.livejournal.com
Am going to keep this very short since I'm still at the office but this is just as lovely as the first time I read it.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
which is amazing, because it's not the same story now, and i'd hate to think i wasted all those added hours and hours tearing it apart and making it better and.... but thanks.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andrea-deer.livejournal.com
One of the bests "Wilson's comming back" fics I've read. And the closer to the end the more I liked it ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
glad to hear it; thanks!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bittereternity.livejournal.com
I've only read a few lines of this fic till now because somehow, on my screen, the whole fic appears jumbled together without any spaces whatsoever. I'll try to copy it on word and then read, but from what I've read, it's truly amazing.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
so sorry--try now. lj hates me, but i braved it and reformatted. what browser are you using?

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaoskir.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you are writing again and those fic was so moving and awesome and uurgh, full with emotions and feelings and I do love it. I do love Wilson comes back and House really let him help and talk to him. God! I need such fics. Hurt but a lot comfort. Yeah I need such wonderful written fics. Thank you so much.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
you're quite welcome!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com
this is beautiful, hon... so intense and emotional, and perfectly in character... i could see this happening in canon.. you've captured house's voice beautifully... i teared up when you were describing the way he accepted the DBS, etc... just sooooo heart-wrenching...

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
thank you so much!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chickloveslotr.livejournal.com
Absolutely lovely...
It brought tears to my eyes, and a little smile to my lips.
*mems*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
thank you; i very much appreciate both your kind words and the mem.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perspi.livejournal.com
Oh, darling, this is WONDERFUL and TOUCHING and HEARTFELT and YES THIS IS JUST HOW IT HAPPENED.

Seriously, you are one of the only people I can read introspection from, and I LOVE WHAT YOU DO. *so much glee*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
but did you like it?

edited because there was a [grin] right here, which lj saw fit to remove. iloveljiloveljilovelj..... yeah

thanks, perspi.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] genagirl.livejournal.com
I know better than to read your stories at work but I couldn't resist!! You always capture the love and misunderstanding between them so well. This is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I want House and Wilson to always be like this.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
I want House and Wilson to always be like this.

in my mind, this is how i always see them; i don't want that to change either. happy you liked!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonwrangler.livejournal.com
Oh, nicely done! I really like how you've got Wilson realizing that he had lied to himself about his friendship with House, but is not ignoring what caused that declaration to come about. I also like how Wilson's first reaction once he's back in House's apartment is to think House is faking it (again) and just wants to get out of there once he's done a quick check. After being away from that situation for so long, I could see it being a little overwhelming for Wilson. I can imagine Wilson has quite a bit of 'caregiver' burnout going on top of everything else, and having the option to walk away from that stress has got to be tempting. But Wilson is a lot like House, and he has to figure out the puzzle, and I love the answer he gets here. I also like how the friendship is still there, but there's a sense that they both have a long way to go in fixing it.

I enjoyed this-- thanks for sharing!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
you're quite welcome; thanks for commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 07:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smiddlecn.livejournal.com
This is the single best Wilson-House reconcillation story I've read since the whole mess begain. It's beautiful and touching and exactly right.

I've been pondering over what great sacrifice House is going to make for Wilson (they did mention that a couple of times) and I do think you have nailed it...and I'm awed. Wow...I never ever considered detox.

Making note to print this one out for 'keeps'. It cries to be reread again and again.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
and you wouldn't have believed what a mess it was before [livejournal.com profile] blackmare_9 made me pull out all the unnecessary psychobabble! i appreciate all the amazing praise, but must share the credit with her.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelfirenze.livejournal.com
I wanted to stab Wilson while reading this. *nods* Both he and Cuddy have been absolutely deplorable and House just lets them get away with it for that exact reason. He believes he deserves no better -- and who started that lesson but his parents? Cuddy and Wilson are House's parents all over again and I want to string them all up over a volcano and just let them enjoy that fear for while. Why on earth should House believe he has any worth whatsoever? He has no reason! The only ones I can genuinely believe care at all anymore are Chase and Cameron and that's only because they keep themselves detached in a way that doesn't turn everything personal. Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman (he's improving but still has a long way to go), and Thirteen -- excuse me, Hadley -- all need a huge wake up call.

When I'm complementing Cameron on her manner in regard to House, then it's bad. If House ended his own life right now, I'd say good for him -- the suffering's over. And that's bad.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
you know what's interesting about your reviews? they don't actually... review anything. which makes them challenging to respond to--but appreciated anyway! :)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] angelfirenze.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-10-10 09:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2008-10-10 10:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arhh.livejournal.com
Beautiful as always :) Thanks for sharing :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
you're welcome; i'm happy you enjoyed it. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greeblygreebly.livejournal.com
You're back!! I'm so glad! Great fic, and so glad to see you writing again. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
i am, indeed, back. thanks!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-10 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lab38.livejournal.com
This was just... absolutely perfect. I know I must have told you a thousand times by now, but I can never get enough of your heart-breaking writing that is so *amazingly* IC. I can hear every word, see every gesture you describe. And while I find it somewhat difficult right now to picture Wilson actually coming to his senses any time soon, *your* scenario was completely believable. So, in other words: I absolutely loved it & I'm so grateful you've decided to share this. It really was like balm on the irritated HW-fan's soul... :) Thank you! *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
and your words are a balm to my soul. it's comments like yours that make a writer want to keep finding the words to share what our brains conjure. and i'm grateful.
*hugs back*

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cindy-lou-who8.livejournal.com
This was wonderful. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
thanks so much!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brynnamorgan.livejournal.com
You don't have to reply to me or anything like that, but I just wanted you to know that this fic is beautiful.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
and i wanted to let you know that i appreciate your opinion even when i don't reply. ;-) thanks.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mireya-11.livejournal.com
awwwwww

this was cute
and sweet... a really nice fic :D


I hope things can be THAT good
...as far as I read things are getting worst and worst chapter by chapter O______________O

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
i'm confident they'll get it straightened out, eventually; i'm glad you found some comfort, for now, in the story!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] mireya-11.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-10-12 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mich8283.livejournal.com
*takes deep breath*

You had me holding my breath, again, the whole time I was reading.

That was great :)

I love that House was a phantom limb to Wilson, that was a great way to put it.

It's all fantastic and there really isn't any line that is not perfect but I love this: ""House, you trusted me once. And I... I betrayed that trust. Hell--I abused it, twisted it, I... I used it like a weapon, and... I almost killed you with it.""

I was nodding along the whole time agreeing with him...yes Wilson... you did.

And this: ""I have no right to ask you to give your trust back to me now; I know that. But I'm asking anyway. I'm asking you to forgive the choices I made, to forgive me. I need you to let me help you.""

Specifically, "I need you to let me help you."

Wilson, Wilson, Wilson. *sigh* Please don't ever change.

And this:

"You're selfish and egotistical, and sometimes you're even dangerous, but you're also--why are you smiling?"

"Weirdest 'apology' I ever got," House says faintly.

... Just made me SMILE.

:) Thanks for sharing.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 06:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
you chose some of my favorite lines. and i'm so glad you're back to breathing!! :)

Hi we missed you

Date: 2008-10-11 08:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evenstar120.livejournal.com
Hi
It's great to see you back, how are you doing? I really loved this version of a reconciliation between House and Wilson because in this we can see the compassionate and caring man Wilson used to be before the writers got all stupid and cut his heart out. I think although they have both made mistakes it outraged me to see Wilson walking away from House like that, the end of the season opener made me cry, it was like Wilson just didn't care about House anymore. Anywhoo, we both know that he does care really and this was such a beautiful way of showing it. It's fantastic to see you writing again because it is such a joy to read anything of yours. More than anything else, I want to see the current House/Wilson go back to the easy, semi happy relationship of season 1 and get away from this situation where Wilson is tearing House apart with his anger and bitterness. Really hoping to read more of your fabulous work.

Re: Hi we missed you

Date: 2008-10-11 12:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
oh, i'd love to see a return to the caring and humor of the early days, too! i'd also like to see a return to my writing; may we get both wishes. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hibernia1.livejournal.com
Oh, beautiful, the best Making-Up-story I've read so far. I cringed at House going through this without knowing if it would ever help to make things okay again, I loved the 'apology' Wilson made, and the insights he reached in those few minutes, and I loved the way they agreed House's an idiot. Very in character, very compelling, and oh so lovely. I'm so happy you are writing again!!! I'm putting this in my Memories.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 01:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
why, thank you dear! and--off topic--i've emailed twice since i sent koda's timeline, and not heard back. so i'm relieved to see you're okay. if you answered, maybe my isp is blocking your ip again; if so, please try resending to the aol address. if not, well, i absolutely understand busy!! just glad you're okay.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] hibernia1.livejournal.com - Date: 2008-10-11 02:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelcat2865.livejournal.com
I love this. You always catch House's and Wilson's voices so well. Plus the humor and compassion you write you stories with is truly a joy to read.

So Glad you are back!.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-11 07:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
thanks, hon. house and wilson are always a joy to write, you know. a painful joy, sometimes--but a good pain. happy you enjoyed it!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-12 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Oh, House, I'm so sorry.

I loved this because it just totally threw me off. I've been inundating myself in House fic for the past two weeks and also, I thought that I had found a pattern to their canon!friendship in the show that I am comfortable with. Both things, it seemed, hadn't prepared me for reading this fic. For come unknown reason, I was blind-sided by that one line. I couldn't immediately and fully grasp what Wilson meant, and I couldn't intuit how House would react to it. Will this confession soften old boundaries between them? Does this mean Wilson understands House more now? Or does this just mean that he is admitting that he has understood so little of him before? It perked me up, it did, and made me eager (and nervous) to read on. I guess this is the first time I encountered a fic that expresses beautifully the unique unpredictability of their friendship and how tipping points and thresholds are integral to it without having to resort to crude methods (i.e. introducing homosexuality). I guess the line just moved me so much I had to comment about it. I thought pure gen could never do it for me (and that I had to resort to at least pre-slash or 'strong friendship' to get my kicks), but this is just wonderful. It's just wonderful. :-)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-12 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
i adore hearing that something i've written has moved someone so much, and made them think; thank you so much for taking the time to let me know.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-13 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pffff5.livejournal.com
So good to have you back !

If only this fic could be a major spoiler for the upcoming episodes, dammit...

Thousands thanks and hugs.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-13 02:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidsnurse.livejournal.com
and a thousand you're welcomes and hugs right back to you, dear!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-10-13 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misanthropicobs.livejournal.com
Wanted to come back to this one since I was kind of short on time the first time through.

House with his walls up and his resentment towards Wilson is very much what I expected from him. After all he fundamentally doesn't trust people at all. Wilson and perhaps Cuddy to a lesser extent are the only two who he presently has shown some degree of ability to trust with. Wilson, in particular, is the person he most fully opened up with and even then there was some degree of distance. House's trust of Wilson is in a lot of ways like that of a young child who doesn't have any barriers against others yet. Given that House's upbringing was probably not only abusive but emotionally distant from both parents he learned early to put up walls to prevent any emotional response to his hurt.

Wilson got behind those walls and his words in the office scene had to be one of the severest blows that House has endured in his life. If the only one he has as a friend says he is bad and not worth anything then that friend has to be telling the truth.

Given that House's belief that Wilson is right is just what he would think. After all, among other things House really has very little liking for himself and self esteem apart from what he does as a doctor. Wilson used every bit of knowledge he had gained about House through the years to strike just where House is most vulnerable.

I very much liked Wilson finally starting to realize that he has not been the best friend quite a bit of the time, that he, more than probably anything has done House some damage and that he has some work to do in order to repair what they had. House has done more for Wilson than he was aware of, or maybe he just ignored that part of what happened after the bus accident but it is very good seeing him realize that House doesn't run the evil empire and that this friendship is something vital to both of them.


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